Firdaus

by jenna england

Crashing
Spiraling into the ground
is closer to flying
than simply walking.
Floating would be preferable, I guess,
peaceful,
but I’m much too weighed down by anger
and everyday reality
to rise softly
in a luminous breath of feathers.

If I go down in an explosion
Maybe others will hear the sound.

“Rosebud angel sweetie-pie really I don’t know what’s gotten into you. This is not what
you’re supposed to be and this is not your nature and you know you know that.”

You tell me my heritage is to be all softness
Well I tried that
and
You scorned me,
You laughed at me,
You hurt me.

Now I have embraced iron,
Pressing my cheek against cold strength
To fear nothing
To feel nothing
but rage compressed in an iron desire.
I do not accept that you can’t help it
I do not accept that domination and exploitation
are “human nature,”
Your instinct.
My iron eyes show me what you really are:
Spineless.
A coward.
I can’t forgive
And I can’t love.
I do not accept
I do not accept.

Why should I try any longer to be liquid
enough to fit into the iron mold you give us all?
Now I only want to smash it,
Shatter shrapnel even if the shards
wound me
Even if they strike other people,
Because that pain
Maybe
It must
Lead to freedom.

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Jenna England is a student at UC Berkeley.